


Sorry That I Loved You

by ForLoveOfLiberTea



Series: lyrical compositions [5]
Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Human, Background Relationships, Confessions, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-02
Updated: 2017-11-02
Packaged: 2019-01-28 08:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12602244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForLoveOfLiberTea/pseuds/ForLoveOfLiberTea
Summary: I’m sorry that I loved you.I'm so sorry that I hurt you.But sorry doesn't turn back time.





	Sorry That I Loved You

**Author's Note:**

> song: _“Sorry That I Loved You”_ by Anthony Neely.

It had been through another random chat.

Just another back-and-forth on their phones while they were attempting to finish their requirements in their respective homes. (More accurately, _Arthur_ was doing his requirements; for all he knew, Alfred was merely engaged in yet another game of _League of Legends_.) 

So there he was one quiet Thursday night, simultaneously typing in the script for a play they were supposed to present, and a poem for their spoken poetry presentation the next week. Needless to say, he was out of inspiration for the latter. He was tempted, in fact, to shove his scones up the annoying arses of his groupmates, seeing that despite his apparent prowess in the English language, it didn’t automatically mean that _he_ had to do everything that had to do with anything remotely literary. 

With a huff, he removed his reading glasses, pinching the bridge of his nose. 

At this rate, he was going to get an insufferable migraine. Oh joy.

His phone pinged with the alert chime one got from the Messenger app, and the Englishman glanced down at his phone, tapping the message notification for lack of anything else better to do.

**Idiot**   
_This is gonna sound like a bad idea, but..  
Why don’t you write the spoken poetry thing about.. y’know.. you?_

He nearly dropped his phone in dread and surprise.

It hadn’t been really a long time, but it _had_ been months.

It had been months since he’d accidentally confessed to his best friend that he’d loved him.

And he had, he had for the duration of their first semester of freshman year. He’d been taken in by the American’s utter joy and excitability in everything, his optimism, and his infectious grin. He had loved everything about him, and knew that it couldn’t be. 

So he decided to let him go, for their friendship was more important than anything else. 

Alfred had been surprised at the accidental revelation in the later half of their second semester. Arthur hadn’t planned for it to come out like that, hadn’t anticipated that he would ever confess to anyone, much less his best friend. 

But in the end, it had all worked out. Arthur accepted that it couldn’t be, not with Alfred pursuing someone else. _(Someone who wasn’t him, someone who deserved his affections more than the Englishman did.)_ He encouraged him to pursue the one in his heart, for who was he to judge? Who was he to hold his best friend back from achieving happiness?

He would be happy if Alfred would be, as well. That was all Arthur wished for.

The American had apologised to him that night, that night when he confessed. He hadn’t known that he was hurting, he’d said. How could he let Arthur get hurt while he had been asking him how to woo the person of his affections?

And Arthur had told him off, saying that he shouldn’t apologise for it was over and done with. He wanted him to be happy, not a constantly whining git asking for forgiveness for nothing. 

He’d thought that they were past that phase, that those unrequited feelings were buried in the past.

Apparently not, if Alfred—the stupid, bumbling fool he was—was bringing it up again.

His phone chimed once more.

_Hahaha, y not, Artie?  
I’m in the same situation now._

Arthur stared at his phone in disbelief. Quickly, he typed out a response.

_What? What do you mean?_

It seemed that Alfred was paying closer attention to his messages than he usually did.

_Kiku and I are just friends._

He didn’t have an exact reply to that.

_...Oh._

What was he supposed to feel? Should he try to comfort him? He’d heard that the Japanese boy had rejected Alfred some time ago, and the American had respected the boy’s decision. But still, he didn’t know how to react.

_Hahahaha  
*cue celebration from Iggybrows*_

The idiot had sent a barrage of emoticons, and the sandy blond teenager couldn’t help but scowl. Here he was, trying to sympathise, but no, of course, it was all a joke to the bloody American.

_I don’t know what I should say without being rude._

_And I’m not_ that _evil, Alfred._

He paused for a moment, before typing quickly.

_However... I know the pain._

The git replied almost immediately.

_Y not?  
Wdym not being rude?_

There was a short pause, before his phone chimed again.

_Aw, damn, I remember it again..  
SORRY, ARTIEEEE :((( _

_Don’t apologise._

_That was a long time ago._

_So.. talk to me, dude._  
_It’s ok to be rude, ya know?_  
_S’only just between the two of us._

He heaved a sigh at the words, before tapping in a response.

_My first reaction to that was.._

_”Now you know how I felt.”_

_Hahahahaha awwww  
I’m sorryyy_

He could sense his eye twitch at that, annoying as it was.

_I said don’t apologise._

_I feel like a terrible person._

There was several minutes of silence, and Arthur leaned back in his seat of pillows, opening one of the documents he had been working on. He couldn’t very well just rest even after a whole day of absence due to a particularly nasty fever, could he? (No, of course not.) His phone vibrated with another chime, then another, and he tapped at the notification as it popped up on the topmost part of his phone’s screen.

_Hahahahahaha_  
_Well if I’m going to be honest_  
_I liked you..... but only for about a week idk_  
_Hahaha_  
_But my feelings never developed_

The flood of messages stopped there, and so did Arthur’s heart. He stared at the screen, doubting his eyes as he reread the message again and again, disbelief painting his features as his mouth opened slightly in his shock.

His fingers trembled as he typed in a reply.

_...What?_

That couldn’t be it. That could never be it. 

What a horrible, horrible joke that would be, for the annoying, dense American to admit to such feelings when Arthur had already moved on. (Or _had_ he, really? If he really moved on, why did it still hurt?)

Again, as soon as he’d sent off the reply, there came another flood of messages from the idiot. 

_Ohhhhh_  
_Awkward_  
_Hahahahahaha_  
_Don’t mind me_  
_Off to neverland_

The boy’s responses didn’t make sense, but Arthur doubted that he could make sense of anything through the confusion, anger and hurt clouding his mind. With an urge to protect what little was left of his dignity, he typed in another response.

_Why?_

_Why are you doing this?_

And as was expected from a first-rate idiot, his reply didn’t make much sense at all.

_Hahahahahaha  
To get you inspired_

He clenched his free hand into a fist, punching the bed in order to assuage his rapidly building anger. It didn’t work.

_Don’t laugh._

_I’m not certain if that was a joke or not._

_Please._

Arthur Kirkland never said ‘please’. Not through chat, not verbally, not for anyone. Yet his mind was in shambles, his heart in disarray, and this stupid, stupid boy he’d once loved kept writing as if _it_ (by which he referred to the goddamn dropping of the bomb that his bloody best friend had liked him romantically even once in his life) wasn’t a big deal. So may his pride forgive him for dropping pretenses, but he very well _couldn’t_ pretend that this wasn’t affecting him at all.

_Have I ever lied to you?_

He swallowed thickly, as if unable to dislodge the lump in his throat. Had he? He wasn’t sure of anything at all.

_I don’t know._

_I need to process this. Oh God._

_Why did you have to tell me?_

_To inspire you.  
We did the same for our spoken poetry._

He was breathing heavily, the threat of tears stinging his eyes, yet he refused to back down and cry. He wasn’t that weak, no, not at all.

_But seriously_

_What could you have liked about me, even temporarily?_

_So you really want me to answer that_

There was only one answer.

_Yes._

_Because I don’t understand_

_What is even there for you to like? Nothing, right?_

_So I don’t see how it could’ve been possible._

There was a pause, a lull in which Arthur caught his breath, closing his eyes in order to ward away the threat of tears. He couldn’t afford to be weak.

_Well Artie_  
There are a lot of things to like about you  
_You just can’t see it yourself_

_There is nothing to like._

_Nothing at all._

_Hahahahahaha_

Even in the midst of his attempts to avoid crying, Arthur snorted self-deprecatingly. Of course the git would still have the audacity to laugh.

_Well that’s one of them  
You take negativity to the cutest level_

His heart skipped a beat, the way it hadn’t for the past few months, before it plummeted again, almost immediately. He couldn’t do this. It hurt, it hurt him far too much than it should have.

_Please don’t be like this._

_This is hurting me._

He took in another deep breath, releasing it in a heavy sigh.

_Why did you have to tell me?_

_’cause I know you need an explanation_

_What I didn’t know couldn’t have hurt me._

_Don’t me, Artie.  
I know you were thinking about that._

_I wished, but I knew that it couldn’t have been, so I tried to let go._

God, his eyes were stinging with unshed tears.

_I told you that I moved on, but I don’t know if I really did, because it still hurts. ___

_Why did you have to tell me?_

**end.**

**Author's Note:**

> « this is actually mostly based upon a real life experience I had more than a month ago.  
> I had a crush on a friend of mine, kept it secret for a few months while I supported him in his crush for another friend of mine, admitted it accidentally after I moved on, and then months later, he admitted to me that he had almost had a crush on me even before I had a crush on him, but his feelings never developed. the chat between Alfred and Arthur are also taken almost word by word from my talk with my former crush. (It was altered only due to the fact that I translated some of the sentences into English, and changed it slightly to fit Arthur and Alfred’s speaking patterns.)  
> with that said, I hoped you enjoyed this fic. »


End file.
